When you’re considering adoption, one of the hardest choices you will make is choosing your child’s adoptive parents. While some birth mothers know a family member or friend who would like to adopt their child, many others find someone else who would like to adopt their child. After you have a list of prospective adoptive parents, here are some questions you can ask to help you find the right parents for your child.
Why Do You Want to Adopt?
Adoption is not something that adoptive parents enter into lightly. Ask them about their adoption journey and how they got to the place they are in right now.
What Were the Best Parts of Your Childhood?
Ask the adoptive parents to tell you about what they valued in their childhood. This not only helps you understand what’s important to them, it also helps you see what they value.
What Are the Most Important Things You Want to do as a Parent?
Everyone has a vision of what kind of parent they’d like to be. When you ask this question, you’ll get information about adoptive parents’ parenting values and about some of the experiences that they truly value in their own lives.
Tell Me About Who You Are Together
When you’re talking with adoptive parents who are a couple, you want to ask questions about who they are as a couple as well as who they are as parents. How did they meet? What do they enjoy doing together? How have they worked through hard times in their lives? This will tell you how they’ll work together as a parenting team.
Who is in Your Support Network?
Every parent needs support. Whether adoptive parents have a wide circle of friends, many family members close by, or they have a religious or other support system that they turn to in times of need, you need to know who will support them and your child when challenging times arise.
What is Your Life Like Now, and What Are Your Plans for the Future?
This question helps you envision what your child’s life could look like. Do the parents work? Does one stay at home? Where do they live? Do they have other children? These factors will very much shape your child’s life.
How Do You Feel About Open Adoption?
If you’ve chosen open adoption and you have an idea of how you’d like it to proceed, ask the prospective adoptive parents questions to ensure that you’ll both be comfortable with what’s in your adoption plan.
When you’re asking questions, remember that no one will be perfect. Your job is to find the parents who best match your values and intentions and who are willing to work with you as you create an adoption plan for your child.
If you are considering adoption, contact us:
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- Call my office at (800) 877-1880
Images Courtesy of Family Formation: Client photos printed with permission.