Many people use phrases like, giving up for adoption and/or putting up for adoption when searching for information about making an adoption plan. However, this is not the language we prefer to use. These phrases can have a negative connotation, and some birth mothers consider the language offensive. With that, we apologize and ask for your understanding.
If you’re considering putting your baby up for adoption, how do you find the right family to be your child’s adoptive parents? Choosing your baby’s family is a huge decision and it can seem quite daunting. It’s also inspiring to be able to help another family fulfill their dreams of parenthood. Asking good questions can help you decide on your child’s adoptive family.
Do You Know the Adoptive Family?
Sometimes you want to choose a family you know and care about to be the parents of your child. You might choose a family member who is unable to have children or a family friend who feels called to adopt a child. Choosing someone you know can give you a feeling of security, because you know how that family will parent a child. It can be a good choice for a birth mother who wants to have a very open adoption.
Where Does the Adoptive Family Live?
Even if you don’t know the adoptive family, you may want to have an ongoing relationship with the child. In that case, you might choose to find adoptive parents who live in the same city or the same state as you do, to facilitate easy contact between you and the family. At other times, there may be factors beyond location that are even more important to you, and you might choose to have an out-of-state family adopt your baby.
The Family’s Finances and Lifestyle
What sort of life do you want your child to have? A wide spectrum of families with very different lifestyles choose to adopt children. Do you want your child to live in a rural or an urban area? Do you want to choose a family who lives a frugal lifestyle or one that takes annual vacations abroad? What activities do you envision your child doing with their family?
Ask the family what they like to do on the weekend and what they do during the weekdays. If they have other children, what do they enjoy doing with their children? While you never know where a family may end up in life, when you talk with an adoptive family you’ll get a feel for how they like to live, and you need to decide whether that fits with the life you picture for your child.
The Family’s Religion and Values
Some birth parents choose an adoptive family primarily because of that family’s religion and values. If your religion is a strong part of your life, you may want to choose a family that has the same religion so that your child will be raised in that particular tradition. Alternatively, you might be more secular but choose an adoptive family based on other values, such as their views on issues that are important to you.
The Family’s Views on Education and Parenting
While every parent grows as a parent over the course of his or her child’s life, an adoptive family will come to the adoption with ideas about parenting and education. It’s important to ask good questions. Why do the parents want to adopt? Do they plan to work, or will a parent stay home? What are their views on education? How does the rest of the family feel about the adoption, and how will they support the adoptive family?
Putting your baby up for adoption is a big decision, and you want to make sure that you make the right choice when you choose your baby’s adoptive family. As you consider adoption, it’s good to have an organization that can help guide you and match you with families who fit your values. If you’re considering adoption for your child, call Family Formation for a free consultation: 925-945-1880.